The Army I Assembled While Rebuilding My Life: Part Two
Divorce, Rebuilding, and Learning to Trust Myself
At some point during those seven years, something inside me shifted.
I stopped asking how to save the marriage.
And started asking a different question:
What would it look like to rebuild my life?
Once that question entered the room, everything changed.
The army I had assembled up until that point had helped me understand trauma, grief, and the nervous system.
The next phase required a different kind of support.
This time, the battlefield was legal, financial, and practical.
And just like before, I began assembling the people who could help guide me through it.
Phase Four: The Divorce Battlefield
Divorcing someone who thrives on chaos requires a very particular kind of support system.
People who remain calm when things escalate.
People who understand both the emotional and strategic sides of divorce.
People who can hold steady when you feel anything but steady.
That’s where the next members of my army came in.
Erin and Alanna (2023–present)
Erin and Alanna were the divorce attorneys I hired.
One of the most important things about divorcing someone high-conflict is having attorneys who refuse to be pulled into that conflict.
They stayed grounded even when situations became frustrating or emotional.
Many times during the process, I felt angry or discouraged, especially when it seemed like my partner was getting away with things that felt unfair.
Their guidance helped me step back and ask a different question:
Is this worth escalating?
Often the answer was no.
Instead, they kept our focus on the bigger picture and the long-term outcome.
They also cared deeply about how my children were doing throughout the process, which meant more to me than I can adequately put into words.
Looking back now, I’m proud of the way we handled the divorce.
We took the high road.
And I can live with every decision we made along the way.
Steven (2023–2024)
Steven was a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst who helped me during the early financial stages of my divorce.
At the time my partner and I were still sharing the same accountant and bookkeeper, which quickly became uncomfortable once financial disclosures were required.
I was overwhelmed and, as someone who tends to follow rules very closely, terrified of making a mistake.
Steven helped me analyze my spending, organize financial records, and prepare the documents required for the divorce process.
Eventually I learned to navigate these financial systems on my own.
But at that moment, his guidance relieved an enormous amount of anxiety.
He helped me realize that understanding your finances is not optional during a divorce.
It’s essential.
Mike (2024–present)
Eventually I realized that sharing financial professionals with my partner made it difficult to properly advocate for myself.
That’s when Mike came into the picture.
Mike became my accountant and immediately took a protective and proactive approach.
One of the issues in my marriage — and later in the divorce — had been an inability to file taxes on time.
As soon as Mike stepped in, he made sure everything was up to date and organized so that nothing could be used against me in the legal process.
He also carefully analyzed the financial disclosures coming from the other side.
Most importantly, he encouraged me to think long-term.
Not just about the outcome of the divorce, but about what would create stability and security for me and my children moving forward.
Jennifer Lee (2024–2025)
One of my biggest anxieties after filing for divorce was the financial component.
The truth is that during my marriage, I knew very little about the overall financial landscape of our lives.
That realization was terrifying.
I discovered Jennifer Lee through a podcast and was immediately drawn to her mission of empowering women to understand their finances during divorce.
Jennifer encouraged me to aim higher in my settlement negotiations and stop apologizing for advocating for myself.
She helped me realize something important:
Asking for what you need isn’t selfish.
It’s responsible.
Ultimately, I helped craft the settlement proposal we pursued, and I walked away with more than my lawyers initially thought possible.
Jennifer played a significant role in helping me believe that outcome was possible.
Alex (2023–2025)
Alex became one of the most important people in my corner throughout the divorce.
She is a divorce coach who helped me navigate the emotional and strategic side of the process.
She helped me draft emails to my lawyers, responses to my ex, and determine what deserved my attention and what didn’t.
She also helped me understand something incredibly valuable:
Not every situation requires a long explanation.
Sometimes the most powerful response is a short one.
She reassured me repeatedly that I would be okay.
And more importantly, that my children would be okay.
Even after the divorce was finalized, we’ve continued to check in with each other.
She remains one of my biggest cheerleaders.
Phase Five: Rebuilding
Once the divorce process was nearing completion, another realization began to settle in.
Even though I had spent years working on my mental and emotional healing, the stress of those years had taken a real toll on my body.
And rebuilding my life meant rebuilding my physical health as well.
Ashley (2026)
Ashley is a functional medicine practitioner who is helping me heal physically after the toll of the past seven years.
My career is built around fitness, so I’ve always been active.
But stress, trauma, and prolonged emotional strain impact the body in ways that exercise alone can’t fix.
Ashley works with me on healing from the inside out — balancing hormones, calming the nervous system, and lowering cortisol.
She is also helping me learn something I never expected to struggle with:
That peace is not dangerous.
After living in chaos for so long, stillness can feel unfamiliar.
Sometimes even uncomfortable.
But I’m learning to trust it.
And to build a life that actually allows space for it.
The People Who Stood Beside Me
Not everyone who helped me through these years had a title or certification.
Some of the most important people in my life were friends and family who showed up when I needed them most.
They answered late-night phone calls.
They listened when I needed to talk.
They reminded me of who I was when I had temporarily forgotten.
But something I learned along the way is that even the most loving people have limits to the emotional bandwidth they can give.
When you’re moving through something as heavy and prolonged as betrayal and divorce, the same fears and heartbreak tend to surface again and again.
For people who haven’t walked that path themselves, it can be difficult to hold space for those same conversations over and over.
That isn’t a failure on their part.
It’s simply human.
And it’s also why assembling an army became so important.
The professionals in my life had the training, perspective, and emotional capacity to sit inside the complexity of the situation without becoming overwhelmed themselves.
They could hold the weight of the story in a way that allowed my relationships with friends and family to remain what they were meant to be — sources of love, connection, and normalcy.
And for that balance, I’m deeply grateful.
The Aftermath
Looking back now, I realize that the roadmap to my healing was part brilliant and part avoidant.
Whenever something scared me the most, I found someone who could help hold space for it.
At times, if I’m being honest, I was also looking for someone to hold my fears so I didn’t have to face them fully on my own.
But healing has a way of quietly shifting the responsibility back to you.
Over time, the work those people helped me do slowly became my own.
My seven-year journey gave me the greatest gift imaginable.
I trust myself now.
When I’m triggered, I know how to calm myself.
When problems arise, I know how to find solutions.
My first instinct is no longer to outsource my discomfort.
Now I pause.
I process.
And from a regulated place, I decide what the next right step is.
For years it felt like I was assembling an army.
Most of the time it felt like I was at war.
But standing here now, I finally realize something surprising.
The person leading the army…
was me all along.
And if there’s one piece of advice I would offer anyone beginning their own healing journey, it’s this:
Don’t be afraid to assemble your own army.